Say whattt!?

I've decided I think I'm going to use this a little bit more thanks to Tom and his blog making me want to re-start this.

I finally quit my university course [eep!] and still managed to pass the first year [thank you complementary credits] and is now on the amazing and incredible Arts and Festivals Management course I raved about a while a go.

I still get to live with Annie and Tom which I love.

I am going to try so hard this year to make friends. Sure, I had a few last year but the majority of the course I didn't like [with the exception of maybe 5 people or so] so I didn't make the effort. I want to be a much more social person this year and have really good friends on my new course. My plan is to invite people out during Freshers and set that kind of tone. Because of this I am stupidly excited about September. I just want it to be here already, please?

I want to be living in my little flat, being able to go out when I choose, doing a course I am super excited about and meeting new people.

Last year I spent the tail end being really unhappy. The place that I lived started being less of this incredibly beautiful place it started out to be and more and more intolerable. It started to have less and less redeeming features and there were only 2 people I liked. The noise at night times was driving me crazy, the mess was so frustrating and I hated the amount of random people that spent the night/week/fortnight and acted as if they lived there. All that combined with how bad my course was end up in me spending more and more time by myself or with Chase, not having the energy or excitement to do things with everybody else, even the people I considered my best friends.

That is why now, I cannot wait. I feel like I am truly happy again and next year won't be like that. If I hate my course? So what, I get to go home to a lovely flat with two people I care about. If I want to wander around in my pyjamas? Who cares? It's only Tom and Annie, the whole of Coventry wont be sat in my kitchen every morning. If the kitchen's a bit messy? Just tidy it up and it will get the recognition it deserves rather than being ignored and subsequently messed up within an hour.

I just want it to be here now. I have butterflies and I haven't been this excited since last year.

What gap?

Okay, so after much deliberation and thought I have decided to not go on a gap year.

Annie and Tom are two of my best friends - to let them down would be awful, it's not fair and for that reason (along with many others) I have decided to stay.

It is kinda weird now, having to go to lectures and labs and do the work as before I just went as I felt like it - now I have to go to pass.

I received the grade from a technical report I wrote. A technical report is notoriously hard to write. It has to be formal with the right type of language in it and abide to the word count completely. It has to be written in third person, the pictures have to be labeled 'fig 1.' etc. and the references have to be in the Havard referencing system. For that technical report - I got a first! [Kinda equivalent to an A* or Distinction]

Now I'm not boasting [okay a little bit] but I got my grades back for a website I designed and in comparison the results are shocking, one of the reasons why I was leaning towards a gap year is because I thought it would be too hard for me. The result I got for the technical report proves to me that I can do it. And I'm so happy about that.

Mind the gap.

Because I haven't updated this in ages, you won't know. But I have made no secret of the fact that I HATE my university course. Hate.

All of the practical aspects that I anticipated it to have were, in fact, replaced with maths and making radios. MAKING radios - from scratch, soldering and all. Which is COMPLETELY not what I wanted.

I decided I'll give it to the end of the year - if I quit I'd have to give up my place in halls, return my loan and my scholarship. So from a financial and social perspective, I decided to stay.

And then I found this amazing course. It's something I kind of touched upon in college and loved. It's arts and festival management and sounded incredible.

So I met up with the course leader and he told me everything about this course which made it sound even better (did you know that as part of the first year you put on an event at the leicester comedy festival? No? Well, it is a big deal!) but then

Disaster struck.

I can't join the course in September 2010 which is what I wanted to do.

Me and my two really good friends already have a student house for the next year so I was hoping I'd be able to get onto the course and keep the house and everything will be excellent!

But no.

So now, my options are very limited. Even if I am allowed to stay in the house, I couldn't afford it without my loan and to get my loan, I need to be studying the course I am at the moment which I really don't want to do.

So

I'm thinking of cutting my loses and having a gap year.

But I'm scared and it worries me about letting my friends down with the house.

I've found some amazing travel trips and it is all quite exciting.

But I really, really don't know what to do.

Like, at all.

what on earth am I doing?

Right now,

Right this moment I have NO idea what I am doing with my life. I live in a place I hate so I can stay with a boy I love where I'm doing a course I despise. I don't really want to have to wait for this year to over - I want to be done with it now.

Having the thought of another 3 months here actually feels me with dread. I don't know what I'm doing here or what I'm doing in life.

Like, seriously.