Frustrated? Yes.
Nervous? Yes.
Annoyed? Yes.
Sick? Yes.
It's times like this I wish I was still in sixth form, exams and exam leave sounds so much easier - there's only so much teachers can fuck that up.
But I won't dwell on that, I think I ranted enough in one of my recent entries.
I want to concerntrate on something else today, something to take the attention away from how much work I haven't done.
Six years today my Nan died, if you read my first entries you'll know that I was really, really close to my Nan and her dying really upset me.
It's weird today, last year I spent the whole day at college not speaking to anyone and feeling completely numb, but today I'm okay... Well, not okay... But i'm coping. It hasn't changed my behaviour today.
I don't know if that's because I'm older or what... I know it's not because I feel any less for her since last year, I love her just as much as I did. I really don't know what's happened.
It made me think a lot today, I feel like I'm growing up really fast.
I'm in a serious relationship, I'm going to university, come September I'll be living on my own, maybe next year I'll be living with Chase, I'm looking for jobs to support myself, I can cook my own dinner...
It makes me think about how different I was when Nan was around. I was 12. Nothing bad had ever happened to me and I was naive about the world, now I feel like I'm a lot more emotionally mature because of everything that has happened to me and the people I love.
Sometimes it scares me how much I've grown up, it scares me because I don't know if my Nan would like the person I've grown up to be, and no matter who reassures me, they don't know either. I'm not worried about getting old and growing up, I look forward to each birthday as much as I did when I was little [July 2nd by the way...]
It's just sometimes... I want everything to slow down, just for a little bit. I feel like everything is going so fast I can't breathe.
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