Holding Back

What happens when you're holding someone back?

I mean, no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go. Sometimes you have to let them go BECAUSE you love them.

I do love him, more than I can put in words, more than I thought it was possible to love anybody ever before.

But so much is going on, so much is changing and so much is going to change.

I know I'll just hold them back - stop him from being the person he's capable of. He probably know this too by now.

All the people he could meet that would be better for he, all the opportunities to go out and meet more people rather than staying in with me and all the (and I hate to say this) girls that will suit him better than I do.

He deserves the best and I know he's settled for 'Ok at best'. I'd hate myself if I stood in the way of all the people and the opportunities and the girls that the future holds for him. If he didn't experience it to the full because of me and my whining and jealousy and love I wouldn't be a very nice person, I wouldn't love him if I did, would I?

And, because I have a feeling he knows this.

I also have a feeling that the end is coming.

I'm picking stupid fights to make it as unpainful as possible when it does happen because I know it's going to hurt so much.

But like I said, if you love someone you should do whats best for them, not whats best for you.

Even if you do get your heart broken in the process.

It's 6am and I haven't been asleep yet - I can't sleep, everything is going so fast through my brain that I can't stop thinking about it, picturing worst case scenarios. I'm hoping writing this will get it out of my system and let me sleep a little.

I'm just hoping against hope I'm wrong, but the way he's been acting, the things he's been saying - I'm not holding out too much hope. Prepare yourself for the worst, I guess.