I wish I was pretty

I really wish I was pretty.

I really wish I was thin.

I really wish I had been blessed with good genes.

It annoys me when you see people who, annoyingly, have everything. I'm not talking about celebrities, but those excruciatingly popular girls at school. The ones that are gorgeous and sexy with the impossible figures and the hunky boyfriends and even the high grades and the good friends.

I wish I was one of those girls.

I'm not.

I went out of Saturday with a few friends and my boyfriend and had such a good time. A few of the pictures taken that night have made me cry. Like, actually cry.

This is one of them;

Thats me and one of my friends, Rachel, who is beautiful and thin and gorgeous. Just generally one of the 'perfect' girls. The girl next to her is me.

Notice the make-up having run, the horrible greasy-looking, flat hair, the moles on the face etc. Notice the arm that's twice the size of Rachels, the wideness of me, the way my stomach sticks out, how far my face is, the actually rolls of fat.

Just looking at that photo makes me feel sick.

I've been trying so hard to lose weight, why is it not working? Like, not working at all! I look bigger than I did when I started. I don't know what to do or how I can face University in September when I look like that! I can't even put into words how bad this photo makes me feel. How hopeless and sick and upset I feel by just looking at this photo and knowing this is what everyone sees me when they look at me.

There's other photos where you can see my belly stiking out of my top, where my arms are huge and photos where I look disgusting.

Every ounce of self confidence I have is now gone.

I wish I was thin

I wish I was pretty.